What do you want that you do not already have and what is in the way of you having that now?1/23/2022 WHAT IS TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIFE?I recently had a conversation where I experienced being told, "You should just appreciate your simple Kambo Utah life and be grateful." This was in comparison to how this person's life is to mine.
I was also told, "You should be grateful for Kambo and that people even love you at this age... it's hard enough already." Additionally, to just be loved is all I could expect in my later forties and I should just be grateful at my ripe age of almost 46... When I read these statements something profund shifted in my thinking... Two distinct perspectives came to me. 1. How does this individual experience the world and what is it in me that I am projecting or reflecting in this very moment and... 2. Do I entertain this conversation? ABSOLUTELY YES!!! To suggest a person is not capable of the kind of relatedness and love they so desire, ought to settle actually revels the judgments and lack within oneself. These type of statements are windows to someone's soul. They are engrained beliefs and values. These statements caused me to reflect deeply about the experiences of my life. Where is it that I lack 100% responsibility for what I have and do not have that I really truly want? A few weeks ago I had a very different conversation with a loved one who asked me specifically: 1. What is that you want that you do not have? 2. What is it that is in the way of you having that now? This dear soul really went for it and asked me to check myself. For that alone is a gift... There were two very distinct perspectives. First, just be grateful and take what you have as it is. Second, what do you want with Kambo and relationships that you do not have and what's in the way of you having that now? It was really profund to me to be presented these options. I've worked really hard to be fortunate that I can spend quality time raising my daughter. This has not be simple, easy, or without extreme sacrifice which I choose and continue to choose. I love my life and my children. I have done a great deal of personal work to have what I have today and there's still so much more to grow and learn. I'm not at all living the life I truly desire. The only person responsible for this is me. Entirley me. There are spaces in my life that I have literally pulled myself out of depression and at times wasn't sure where I would figure out the next meal for myself and my kids. There truly is hunger in the US and it's often someone living right next door to you. There are times I have sat at home in the bath tub crying, devastated over divorce, and wondering what I was going to do next. Debt piling up from unforeseen medical expenses, life in general... and no consistent income coming in. Still, I figured things out. Paid debts, repaired my credit and created a lovely way to work for myself. This was not easy! There was nothing simple about cleaning up my chaotic life and choosing to love myself over and over regardless of a failed marriage. Regardless of the pain and there's nothing like a deep wound to surge into growth. I hustled secondary sources of income. Then, put that to work by educating myself. I took classes, seminars, workshops, trainings... I put forth a great deal of time and space to rebuild, repair and flourish my body, mind, emotions, spiritual knowledge and most importantly my communication skills. Remember the conversation about, "What is that I want that I do not have...?" This same loving bold individual also asked me these three questions... 1. Compared to who? 2. Compared to what? 3. How specifically? What is being grateful for my simple life and just accepting that at 46 someone could, would, or choose to love me be just enough to stop growing and wanting anything else in life? I went deep asking myself these questions over and over and over... 1. What is it that I want that I do not have? 2. What is in the way of me having it now? 3. Compared to who? 4. Compared to what and how specifically? Do I make a lot of money... what's a lot of money? Compared to who and compared to what? Am I grateful, loved and have the life I want? Compared to who compared to what and how specifically? I'm writing this to document a profound perspective I was so graciously offered. To share a little reality over here and be real with others. Tell the truth. I never want to forget where I've come from, the experiences, trials and tribulations I've overcome. Still, these scenarios do not define me and they are gifts. If you haven't already taken the time to reflect on your worth and suddenly felt deep gratitude for yourself, I urge you to do that now. I reflected deeply on the love and value I bring to those I surround. A day when gratitude was present and my worth clearly understood regardless of what someone else saw. See that conversation a few weeks ago was not by accident. I believe some people are truly gifted. They bring a lot of fire and wisdom and you can listen or you can run and hide. So when the conversation came on hot... and I wanted to run... I chose to listen... Sometimes in the weirdest of ways we find clarity. Those who truly love me know the mountains I've climbed to be where I am today and they continue to support me being my best. Thank you for supporting me and seeing me. For witnessing my beauty and for always holding me in the highest regard. I honor you deeply. There are some people who never leave us and they strike the deepest of chords. It's incredible to reframe, and shift a person and do it out of strength and love. Thank you so much. Go get what you want and let go over comparing your wants and desires and anyone who isn't aligned will see themselves quickly elsewhere or align powerfully. It's up to you to see and know your worth and take responsibility for what is showing up in your life always. |
Juls BroadheadAs a native of Salt Lake City, Utah I grew up in a family well versed in the concepts of health and well being as a way of life. Archives
January 2022
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